Monstrous Read online

  “You do not talk to the people of Bryre because you are supposed to be sneaking their girls out of the city!” Father leaps up and begins to pace.

  This does not bode well. He hasn’t even heard the worst of it.

  “There’s more.”

  He spins, eyes blazing, and I shrink back into my chair. Even Pippa cowers under the table. Neither of us has ever witnessed Father in such a state. “What did you do?” he says.

  “I was only doing as you instructed last night, as I do every night. I snuck into the prison and took one of the girls with me. Ren must’ve been nearby because—”

  “Ren? Ren? You know his name?”

  I blush deeper, though I didn’t think it possible. “And he knows mine,” I whisper. Father throws his hands up, grumbling. He resumes stomping around the room.

  “On my way out of the city, he found me and saw the girl.” I pause, remembering the confused, horrified expression on Ren’s face. “He didn’t understand what I was doing and I couldn’t explain. I stung him.” I grip the bottom of my chair, steeling myself in the face of Father’s fury. “I want—I need—to tell him everything. What we do, what I am, everything.”

  Father grasps my shoulders and shakes me until my teeth rattle. “Are you out of your bloody mind, girl? Tell him?”

  “He will understand!” I manage to spit out. “He will help us if he knows! He hates the wizard as much as we do.”

  “Oh, I am sure he does.” Father snorts. “He is just a stupid boy. He cannot help us.”

  I bristle at his assessment of Ren. “He’s no such thing. He’s smart and sneaky. The king trusts him to carry secret messages to his advisers!” I leave out the fact that Ren also introduced me to his family and possibly the king himself.

  “That is true.” Father stops pacing and scratches his chin. “He trusts you, then? You might redeem yourself yet.”

  Hope surges in my chest. Might I have both Father and Ren? “How? What can I do?”

  Father shrugs. “You will bring him back here on your next trip to the city. I will be the judge of whether or not he truly works for the king.”

  “You want me to bring him here? I doubt he’ll come with me. Our last meeting did not go well.”

  He laughs and it chills me. “Kym, all you have to do is sting him. I will interrogate him and find out what he knows about the wizard, the king, and any plans he may be privy to.”

  My lungs stop working. “You want me to put him to sleep?” Panic surges where hope flamed moments before. I don’t want to sting him again—I already feel terrible about the times I did. “You won’t send him away to Belladoma, will you?” I can’t fathom Ren being that far away.

  “Of course. You cannot believe he will want to stay near you once he discovers what you are, can you?”

  I can. I do. Of all people, I need Ren to believe in me, whatever form I may take. It is the secret wish of my heart that I’ve hardly dared to utter. My face blanches.

  “You do?” He takes my chin in his hand, harder than usual. “How many times must I tell you, Kymera: No human will ever trust you. Accept you. Or love you. Not like I do. I am the only one because I made you. They would kill you as soon as look at you.”

  I wrest my chin out of his grip. “Ren would not. He’s upset because he saw me taking that child, but once he knows everything he’ll understand. I know he will! He will help, because I’m certain he has nothing to do with that wizard!”

  I stand, every limb quivering.

  Father folds his arms and stares deep into my eyes. “No, Kym. He will not understand. He will hate you. He already hates you.”

  “No!” I scream, kicking over the chair and scaring any of Pippa’s remaining wits right out of her head.

  Then I do the one thing I can.

  Run.

  The only thought filling my mind is how much I don’t want to be near Father. How much I crave Ren’s company. Heedless of the daylight and Father’s objections, I throw myself into the hedge path.

  The air is cooler here, but my entire body is aflame with misgivings. Father can’t be right. Ren does not hate me. He can’t hate me! I love him. I’ll do anything to redeem myself in his eyes.

  I’ll explain everything. I’ll apologize for taking so long to tell him. He’ll understand.

  He has to.

  I’ll confess that I rescued Delia. I wish I hadn’t given her to Darrell to bring to Belladoma. I should’ve taken her to Ren instead. But I allowed jealousy to cloud my vision and made the wrong choice. Still, Ren should be relieved she’s safe and in a happy place. He won’t have to worry anymore even if he misses her. Perhaps we can visit her someday.

  Hope buoys me as I break free of the hedge and enter the forest proper. I pull back my cloak and flutter my way between the trees. When the road comes into view, I clutch my cloak around my body, pulling the hood up over my head, and wind my tail around my thigh. No one can stop me from finding Ren. Not Father, not the city guards.

  I wish I could fly, but I can’t take the risk in the daytime.

  The sun is high and sweat trickles down my spine as I pass other travelers. I barely give them a second glance. My thoughts have one focus.

  By the time I near the gates, I realize I may have trouble getting into Bryre. The guards appear to be stopping everyone. Surely I will not be an exception. I veer into the woods and wind my way toward the wall nearest the forest edge. Closing my eyes, I listen for sounds of the guards on the parapet above. A dull roar echoes somewhere out of reach. When the nearest guard passes out of range, I climb up the stones using my claws. I must be stealthier now than at night. I reach the top and leap into the nearest tree. The whole city is alive with motion. I’m not sure what to make of it.

  This is very different from the quiet, sleeping city I’ve grown to love.

  I’ll have to find my way to Ren. To apologize, to explain. I must see him.

  I drop out of the tree and crouch on all fours in the yard of a house. A young boy watches me with wide eyes through the back window.

  “Mama, look!” The child points and I freeze. “There’s a girl in our yard!”

  I burst into the streets and hit a wall of people. There are so many. Young, old, in between. The colors of their clothes swirl around me in streaks of reds, blues, greens, and browns.

  All of them are talking or moving or making noise. So much noise! I’ve never heard this much at one time before. This is the dull roar I noticed in the forest, realized as a true cacophony. I slap my hands over my ears and crumple to the cobblestones. It’s so loud that it hurts. I can’t stand it. I wish I could curl up and dissolve into the ground.

  Instead a woman trips over me, her foot catching on my rib and robbing me of my breath.

  “What’re you doing, missy?” Hers is not the calm tone Father uses. It’s gruff and . . . irritated. That’s the word. She’s unhappy with me for blocking her path. I crawl to the side amid curious gazes as she harrumphs and passes.

  So much happens all at once here, it’s a wonder the humans can stand it. I want to go back to the forest, to the quiet peace and low chitters of animals. My eardrums are ready to explode.

  But I must find Ren.

  I stagger to my feet and stumble into the crowd. They push and I shove back.

  “Hey!”

  “Watch it!”

  I reach a break in the throng and pause to catch my breath. A rib throbs in my chest. I have no idea where I am. I didn’t have time to take Father’s map. The crowd turned me around. I’m dying to fly out of here, if only to get fresh air and solitude.

  But I came here for Ren and I’m not leaving until I find him. Tears prick at my eyes, but I blink them back.

  The ground rumbles and I flatten my body against the nearest building. No comforting shadows to hide in now. A rectangular formation of men with swords on their belts marches down the street. They don’t glance at me or any of the people milling around. They’re full of purpose and motion.

  Tha
t’s what I need to do. Move purposefully. I take a deep, steadying breath and step out into the street again, following the guards. They know where they’re going, and the people part to let them pass, filling in the space immediately after. Following them is not as easy as I’d hoped. It’s like swimming upstream. I must get through this. My hands sweat and I can barely hold my cloak shut. My hood slips off my head every few minutes and I pause to adjust it, only to be jostled by the next cart or person. Walking through so many sweating humans makes me feel dirty and nauseous.

  By the time I catch up to the guards, my body trembles and I’m sure I will vomit.

  “Kym!”

  We’ve reached the little square with the fountain. Our fountain. Ren sits on the opposite rim and waves. He isn’t angry. I’m so relieved, I could cry.

  Before I can run toward him, a small voice chills me to the core.

  “Mama, what’s that?”

  A little girl points at me. Her mother gasps.

  I’m dizzy. I’m such a fool. My skin is slick with sweat—my tail slipped down my leg and now peeks out from beneath my cloak. In all the confusion I hadn’t noticed.

  Father will be even angrier with me now.

  I whirl back to Ren. His waving slows and he tilts his head, confused. No sign of last night’s fury mars his face. Has he already forgiven me?

  Hands grab me from behind, ripping my cloak. Air cools my wings in a shocking rush.

  “Monster!” cry the two women clutching my cloak.

  “No,” I murmur, pressing my hands to my ears. I’m not a monster. The wizard is a monster. I’m a hybrid. I’m here to save these people from the wizard.

  “Monster! Monster!” The cry catches fire through the crowd and all eyes stare at me. Hands shackle my wrists. “Monster! Burn her!”

  Burn? Oh Father, how wrong I was! They’re as horrid as you claimed!

  “No!” I scream, spinning to shake off my captors. I sting two men with my tail in the process, and they drop like coins into the fountain. The tears can’t be held back now. I gaze one last time at Ren. Shock covers his warm face. Disbelief fills his wonderful brown eyes.

  Even he thinks I’m a monster.

  Instinct is all I am, all I can feel. All that matters.

  I spread my wings to their full length, preparing to take off and leave the screeching mass of people—and Ren—far behind.

  But before I can reach the safety of the air, something hard connects with the back of my head and everything slips away into black.

  DAY FIFTY-FIVE

  MY HEAD RESTS ON SOMETHING THAT PRICKLES MY CHEEK. WHEN I JOLT up, the something sticks to it. I pull it off my face—hay. I’m in a dark room with one door and an earthen floor haphazardly dotted with bits of hay.

  They caught me. I wasn’t careful enough, I didn’t heed Father’s warnings well enough. I let my guard down, and now I’m here. Wherever that may be.

  How long have I been unconscious? If a day has passed, Father will worry. If it’s more than that, he will be beside himself. I was so stupid! How could I let myself be caught?

  And what must Ren think of me? Finding out what I am in such a manner? I ache to explain myself to him.

  I rest my head on the floor, letting the cold seep into my skin and temper the flush in my cheeks. The back of my head is sore, but I don’t have time to worry about that. I must escape. I must save the girls. Or all Father’s work will be for nothing.

  My hand flies to my throat. The black ribbon choker Father gave me remains around my neck. My sleeves are long enough to cover my patchwork arms, too. They may not have seen my bolts. Or my multicolored skin. There’s hope I might be able to convince them I’m just a hybrid. A creature that they think died out a long time ago.

  Short of ripping my way through the humans, what else can I do? Hurting them is not an option. Maybe I can convince them to let me go.

  A hundred maybes and what ifs flutter through my brain.

  The knob on my cell door jiggles and creaks. I’m on my feet in two seconds flat. This is better. When the guard comes in, I will overpower him—that should be easy if it’s only one—and return to Father as fast as I can. It doesn’t matter if the city folk see me fly; they already know about my wings. I only hope they have not connected me to Father. He said they did not trust his science. If they discover he created me . . .

  Another jiggle and the door slowly opens. I wait behind it, ready to pounce.

  Ren’s head pokes into the room. My breath catches in my throat. I retract my claws and wind my tail around my leg.

  “Kym,” he says as he sees me standing behind the door, frozen in surprise.

  The world halts on its axis. Neither of us can move. Neither of us dares to breathe. I’m so terrified, I can’t even tremble.

  Is he here to kill me? Have they charged him with that task?

  “You’re all right.” He lowers his voice as he shuts the door behind him and the earth moves again. “Look, the citizens think you’re the one taking their girls.”

  My face blooms red. I can’t meet his eyes. He keeps his distance on the other side of the small room. Fear hovers in the air between us, threatening to engulf us both.

  “I don’t understand this.” He gestures to my wings, wincing. “But I can’t believe you’d hurt anyone. I really thought I knew you.” His expression crumples in confusion.

  I’m speechless. Ren speaks as though he has no memory of the night he caught me taking a girl—as though he never saw me doing exactly what the city folk fear. How is that possible? The expression on his face when he caught me flashes through my mind and I cringe. No, if he remembered, he wouldn’t defend me.

  The question is: why doesn’t he remember?

  “Kym, please, say something?”

  I want desperately to ask him about the last time we spoke, but I hold my tongue. “How long have I been here?” I say instead.

  “A day and a half.” He shifts his weight to his other foot uneasily.

  “They let you in?” I confess, I would have thought I’d be better guarded than that.

  Ren gives a wry laugh and folds his arms over his chest. “I waited until it got dark and then tricked my way in. I heard them talking earlier in the square. I . . . I can’t let them do . . . what they want to do to you.”

  Tiny shards of ice needle over my skin. “What? What do they want to do?”

  Ren looks away. “It doesn’t matter. I’m getting you out. You’ll be safe.”

  The cries of the crowd return to me: Monster! Burn her! Burn the monster!

  “They want to burn me,” I whisper. Father was right. Why did I ever doubt him? If he was right about them, could he be right about Ren? If I remind him of what I’ve done, that I rescue the girls, will he want to burn me too? Or should I take his memory loss as a reprieve and keep up my lies?

  “They won’t. But I have to ask you something first.” Ren pauses, gripping his elbows so tightly his fingers turn bone white. “What are you?”

  The spark of fear hovering in his eyes makes my heart sink. He may not remember the other night, but I have lost him nonetheless.

  My brain latches onto the answer I’ve prepared to tell him if he ever accidentally saw my true form.

  “Where I’m from, there are still hybrids. I know you don’t believe they exist anymore, but you’re wrong. I’m proof.”

  Ren’s eyes widen. “But where?”

  “I cannot tell you.” This is where I stumble a bit. I’ve never gotten this far in my daydreams. “For their protection, you know.”

  Ren runs his fingers through his hair and shakes his head. “I guess I can’t blame you for wanting to keep your family’s location a secret. Not after this.”

  An uncomfortable silence fills the room.

  “But why have you been coming to Bryre?” Ren finally asks.

  “Curiosity, that part was always true,” I say. “I couldn’t help wanting to know more about humans, and couldn’t pass up the opportunity to d
iscover Bryre with you. If you recall, I did try to avoid you at first.”

  He smiles sadly. “I was quite insistent on knowing you, wasn’t I?”

  All I can do is swallow down the lump forming in my throat.

  Ren moves toward the door, then holds something out to me. “Here, you’ll need this.”

  My cloak. I hadn’t even noticed he carried it before. “Thank you,” I say, throwing it around my shoulders.

  “Come on, I’ll get you out of here.”

  We tiptoe from the room. In the hall beyond, a guard slumps over a table. I give Ren a questioning look and he answers with a smirk. “A bottle of rum laced with a strong sleeping tonic. Works every time.”

  He leads me down several passages and eventually out into the welcoming darkness. It feels like I am coming home. Bryre was not familiar to me at all in the daylight.

  “Go,” he says, “run.”

  I can hold my peace no longer. “Ren, why are you doing this? Why don’t you hate me like everyone else in Bryre?” My face is suddenly hot and my eyes sting. I don’t breathe until he answers.

  “Because I know you.”

  Pressure builds behind my eyes, making them burn. “Don’t I frighten you?”

  He laughs unsteadily. “Honestly? Yes. But I can’t blame you for hiding it. I’d have done the same thing if I were you.”

  Confusion makes my head ache. “But what about—”

  “Shh! Someone’s coming!” he whispers. “Go! Now!” He shoves me into the alley and I run away fast and willingly. I’m followed only by my lingering questions.

  DAY FIFTY-SIX

  FATHER MUST BE WORRIED SICK. I FEEL TERRIBLE THAT I DOUBTED HIM, and have strayed so far from my path. But I cannot return home. Not yet. I cannot escape the uneasiness I feel at the thought of Father sending Ren away. Sometimes I wonder if Father is a little misguided. If he might be wrong.